i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize