Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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