So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
