There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
