accomplished twins. life is a go
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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