I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
