You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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