saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
