2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
