i jhust puked up my retainher.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
