Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Life is so much better after having sex.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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