So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
