He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i now understand why vodka
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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