Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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