i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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