woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
