K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
