The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
