And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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