Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
