All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
