I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
