Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
