? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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