You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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