for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
