You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize