90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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