Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
