I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
