then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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