so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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