Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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