Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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