Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
