my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
