I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
