Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
