I showed him my bush... on skype.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
