1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
