it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
