you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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