after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
