Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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