i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize