It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
