Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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