So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I looked at my own cervix.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
