Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
