Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
