Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
