You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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