Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
