fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize