Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
