he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
