We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
