hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
