Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
