Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
