I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize