If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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