dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this beer tastes like vomit already
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
