anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
