my mouth tastes like poor choices
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
