oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
