Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
