I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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