thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
