I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize