Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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