His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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