I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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