Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
