So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
