Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
