Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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