I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
