I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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