just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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