I am puke
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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