I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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