Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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