if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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