you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
