possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
