can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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