You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
