ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
