Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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