just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think i got beer on your cat.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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