he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
