It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize