At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
