I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
