Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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