They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
And then he peed in my hair
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
