the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
