I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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