Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
