im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i barfeds in our rink
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
