im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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