You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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