so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
