you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
