I wish I could punch you in the face.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
