It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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