I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
