I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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