I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
