if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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